Blame everything on the water. Swear that you never get sick at home and ignore the fact you’ve stayed up till 6AM three nights in a row and devoured close to an entire jar of Nutella over that same time span. Go to the pharmacy and explain your symptoms as best as you can. Grow suspicious that the pharmacist is giving everyone in line the same exact thing and buy ginger ale instead. Steal your roommates’ Emergen-C, which is suddenly like the treasure of One-Eyed Willie.
Skip an entire week of classes and worry that there is now zero hope of passing them. Pretend to be sicker than you actually are so you can’t muster the strength to do any of the work that’s already been assigned. Act as if watching films illegally makes you feel guilty, and express this sentiment to your roommates. Lay in bed thinking that it will never feel as luscious your bed at home. Ignore the fact that your bed at home is too firm. Groan audibly. Skype your mom.
Slowly regain the ability to walk around without the risk of collapsing from dehydration. Pretend you are fine so you can eat the fajita your roommate makes. Feel sicker.
Repeat all necessarily until health returns. Never get sick again, well, because you never really get sick in the first place.
